John Olerud, 1994 Fleer Pro-Vision (Stoner Fleer Pro-Vision Week No. 2)

Name: John Olerud
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: First base
Value of card: No number could represent such a low value
Key 1993 stat: See above
Let's take a look at John Olerud, By the Numbers, clockwise, from top left:

.270: Average with two outs, one ball, two strikes, in the fifth inning, on blustery days, in Toronto, in the second week of the month, with the opposing pitcher chewing tobacco
Uh, 00? Times taking the field without a batting helmet
Let's go with 8: Pounds of batting gloves worn
Maybe that's an 87: Percentage of teammates who made fun of him for wearing a helmet on the field
.2 ... uh: Percentage of collectors who didn't throw this card in the trash
38: Special
.209: Average with ladies in scoring position
.39: Percentage of underwear drawer that featured Blue Jays logos
.298: Percentage of the unexplainable lake behind him filled with Moosehead, Toronto's favorite beer
.3: Percentage of Olerud filled with Moosehead, Toronto's favorite beer
.278: Batting average while making a stupid face
There goes that run of interpretable numbers, so, um, 80? Times he forgot to toss bat before running to first base
369: Numbers on this card
.301: Who cares? That's enough stats, for helmet's sake

No comments:

Post a Comment