8.23.2012

Harold Reynolds, 1989 Topps


Name: Harold Reynolds
Team: Seattle Mariners
Position: Second base
Value of card: Rusty chain-link fencing
Key 1988 stat: Could flip those shades like no one's business
Video dating service profile for Harold Reynolds, circa 1989:

Age: 28
Height: 5' 11 7/8"
Weight: 165
Hair: Party in the back
Ethnicity: Black
Relationship status: Open, if you know what I mean
Want children? Only if I open a sweatshop
Best feature: Smoothest mustache this side of Mount Rainier
Religious views: God wants this mustache
Smoke? Well, Vancouver's right next door, after all ...
Drink? Only after losses. So, a lot.

Seeking: Someone to hug without it becoming a misunderstanding
Her body type: Well endowed
Her ethnicity: Human
Location: Some place where it doesn't rain as much

Reynolds' video introduction transcript: "Hi ladies, you may recognize me as the second baseman for your Seattle Mariners      then again, you may not, considering I'm usually a blur racing around the diamond. Ha, no, I'm just playing, I know you know who I am. I'm the king of the Kingdome, baby! (Reynolds puts on flip sunglasses with lenses down) Now, let's talk about you and me. I need a special lady who can keep me dry here in Seattle      but not too dry. (raises flip lenses and winks, then lowers lenses again) I need someone who isn't afraid to move up 90 feet when the pitch gets a little wild. (raises flip lenses and winks, then lowers lenses again) And I need a woman who's down to play both ends of a double-header. (raises flip lenses and winks, then lowers lenses again) If this sounds like you, give me a call. Starting in early October, I'll be free to lavish all my attention      and my mustache      on you, girl. Yeah!"
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