7.14.2012

Derek Parks, 1990 Bowman (Boring Bowman Week No. 6)


Name: Derek Parks
Team: Minnesota Twins (sparingly, at times)
Position: Catcher
Value of card: See those bangs sticking out from under the helmet? Those, cut off, put in a plastic bag and burned
Key 1989 stat: 63-pound jaw
Scouting report on Derek Parks, in terms that also reflect this lackluster card: "I'm only pretty sure we've seen this kid before, but I'm positive the previous incarnations didn't impress. ... If we're talking Parks, it's time for some clear-cutting. ... This guy's game could put a meth addict to sleep. ... The approximate number of fans in the background reflects the approximate number of fans who think putting this guy on our team is a good idea. ... We saw flair from this kid on the field once. Excuse us, "flare." He lit a firecracker. ... We spent 27 innings studying his swing, his handling of pitchers and his overall skills. We slept through 26 of them. ... Calling this kid 'boring' is doing a disservice to blind librarians, white crayons, DMV waits and the 1990 Bowman set."

Card submitted by Omar Zazueta
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