John Trautwein, 1990 Pro Cards

Name: John Trautwein
Team: Pawtucket Red Sox
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: It's of minor value
Key 1989 stat: 42 candles on birthday cake
Boston Red Sox officials' scouting report on Pawtucket Red Sox pitcher John Trautwein: "Twenty-two years ago, when this guy was 21, he still didn't have a chance. ... Trautwein's mullet is older than half the players in our farm system. ... No, no, no. I said this guy's play makes me want to use THE john. ... Somebody let this guy know he should buy property in Pawtucket. ... Biggest upside: He's the white Fernando Valenzuela. ... This guy's got the kind of smile that can light up a smoke. ... Better last name: Troutwein. ... Who gave recent draft pick Jimmy Trautwein's dad a uniform? ... On the plus side, his chin folds provide plenty of hiding places for Crisco or pine tar."

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