Bryant Young, 1994 Fleer Ultra First Rounder (Football Friday No. 127)

Name: Bryant Young
Team: San Francisco 49ers
Position: Defensive line
Value of card: 66 pounds of leftover gold leaf
Key 1993 stat: 749 lasers dodged
San Francisco 49ers' scouting report on "first-rounder" Bryant Young: "Says here we drafted this kid solely based on his thighs; smart move. ... Plus: He has the ability to float. ... We can have him stretch out all our players' little girl short-shorts. ... For some reason, I can see Young wearing a gold-leaf helmet that says '94 Fleer Ultra.' ... We'll need to buy a few hundred pencils so this kid can write in his mustache. ... Someone will need to rescue him from 'Tron' world before the season. ... Anyone tell him he needs to wear cleats, not basketball shoes? ... This kid's biggest quality: With that aura around him, he's apparently a celestial being. ... Yeah, nothing like the convergence of sweat stains, skintight shorts and bulge."

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