5.23.2012

Jimmy Sexton, 1980 TCMA


Name: Jimmy Sexton
Team: Tucson Toros
Position: Infield
Value of card: Knowing that you will never wear something this hideous
Key 1980 stat: Wore something this hideous
The 1980 Tucson Toros uniforms, from A to Z:

Astros, the Toros' parent team at the time, deserved to lose 106 games for this atrocity
Blinded opponents hit just .227 against Tucson that year
Couldn't squeeze more warm colors on here if they tried
Diagonal stripes      always a good idea
Elastic waistbands made for an easy fit
Fifty-two fashion designers had embolisms after seeing this card
Gaudy doesn't even begin to cover it
Hundred-degree days must have been pleasant under all that polyester
Is that top made out of felt?
Just enough taupe to make you Google "taupe"
Kodak moment: Thank heaven we have photographic evidence of this uniform
Logo appears to be a bastardized Texas Tech ripoff
More than enough burnt orange to draw an arson investigation
No baseball player enjoys dressing like a woman. Well, at least not on the field.
Off-topic: Either he's being casual, or Jimmy Sexton's fingers are five times longer than the average human's
Players actually begged to be demoted to double-A
Quitting baseball was a viable option after these eye-sores were unveiled
Really bold use of mustard yellow on those "jerseys"
Sexton's face says it all
Tucson lost its baseball team for a few years, and this is probably why
Understandably, fans only watched the Toros' games on black-and-white TVs.
Vertical stripes on pants? At this point, is anyone going to notice?
Wizard's sleeves: not just a euphemism for a worn-out female reproductive whose-e-whatsis
X-rated? Maybe not, but I still wouldn't show this picture to kids
You know, if you have to wear this, you might as well wear the pants up to your rib cage
Zero chance Jimmy was going to get any Sexton in this get-up
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