5.17.2012

Greg Fulton, 1990 Pro Cards


Name: Greg Fulton
Team: Calgary Cannons
Positions: Infield, pitchman
Value of card: As worthless as it looks
Key 1989 stat: Actually, this photo session was the only highlight for Fulton
Transcript from Calgary Cannons' promotional commercial, circa 1990: "Hey there, sports fans. (BOOM!) Oh my god, what was that? I'm, um, utility infielder Greg Fulton and I'm inviting you to come on down to Foothills Stadium for a game this season north of the border. Well, actually, if you're a Canadian, you're already north of the border. Ya see, I'm from Chattanooga, Tenn., so y'all seem strange to me. But I digress. (BOOM!) Jesus H., what was that? Anyway, the Cannons invite you to bring the family down to the ballpark to catch a game against some of the top Triple-A talent in the nation — well, there's not much baseball talent in your nation, but you can watch some pretty good Americans play the American pastime if you're not too busy cheering for the Flames. (BOOM!) Lord, what is that sound? I'm going to need a new pair of pants. If you attend a game this weekend we'll be giving out these handsome mesh jerseys Friday and these Chicago Cubs look-alike hats Saturday. (BOOM!) My ears! My ears! Um, well, I can't really hear the playback but I'll tell all you sports fans that if you can't make it Friday or Saturday you should come on down Sunday. We'll be (BOOM!) giving away (BOOM!) promotional (BOOM!) cannons (BOOM!) that you can enjoy at home (BOOM!) or take to a Flames tailgate party, eh? (BOOM!) I'm deaf. Lord, I'm deaf.
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