Miguel Tejada, 2002 Donruss Diamond Kings (Dreadful Diamond Kings Week No. 7)

Name: Miguel Tejada
Team: Oakland's A's
Position: Shortstop
Value of card: What's the "Mona Lisa" worth? That number minus itself
Key 2001 stat: 47 hours posing for portrait
Ending a dreadful week with a touch of class: Hold on, Donruss. Just who the hell do you think you are? You spent our childhood years regurgitating laughable illustrations by the renowned artist Perez for your Diamond Kings sets, and now you're giving collectors a restrained realist portrait bathed in warm earth tones and marked by the subject's subtle expression? You're out of line. You think Donruss Diamond Kings fanboys want an evocative artwork whose straightforwardness and simplicity make it an ironic avant-garde in comparison with two decades' worth of Crayola hack jobs? Get your priorities straight, Donruss; this Diamond Kings card is dreadful in its discretion.

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