4.27.2012

Jacksonville Jaguars, 1994 Coca-Cola Monsters of the Gridiron (Football Friday No. 120)


Name: Jaguars
Team: Jaguars
Position: Jaguars
Value of card: Six kernels of Friskies
Key 1993 stat: One pair of MC Hammer pants
10 little-known facts about the Jaguars' 1994 mascot:
10) He rips his own shirt with his claws when he's feeling sexy.
9) He has trouble going in the litter box when the door is left open.
8) He floats at all times.
7) "Shoes? Shoes are for suckas," he says.
6) Not a monster; doesn't care for the gridiron. Hates Coca-Cola; loves coke.
5) He's deeply afraid of playing the Lions and the Panthers, but he cheers for the Tigers.
4) Sometimes, when he jumps, he craps sausage-shaped excrement that doubles back toward his head.
3) He spends the offseason posing on hoods in the same position as above.
2) Not a leopard, so, therefore, he can change his spots. No problem.
1) He drives a luxury automobile that's not very dependable.
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