Paul Kilgus, 1988 Donruss

Name: Paul Kilgus
Team: Texas Rangers
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: 10 percent off at Stinky Pete's Novelty Shop
Key 1987 stat: Wore a mop on top of head
Fun facts about Paul Kilgus and his obviously fake mustache:
  • Paul Kilgus' ERA in 1987 was 4.13. His mustache retailed for less than half of that.
  • Kilgus' career winning percentage was 38.2%. An even smaller percentage of people thought that lipwarmer was real.
  • Kilgus had enough curly blond hair to clothe half of Eastern Europe. Yet his mustache was made of polyester.
  • According to The Beatles, Paul was the Walrus. Paul Kilgus tried much too hard to look like a walrus.
  • The name "Paul Kilgus" sounds kind of gross. And then you see his mustache.



  1. To me (strangely enough) he looks like a cross between Harpo, Groucho and Zeppo. Also, his middle name is Nelson. "HA, HAAA!!!"

  2. "Nelson, I think he's really hurt!"

    "I SAID 'haa-haa'!"