3.20.2012

Jason Stumm, Rob Purvis, 2000 Topps Draft Picks


Names: Jason Stumm, Rob Purvis
Team: Chicago White Sox
Positions: Pitchers
Value of card: Fresh pine scent
Key 1999 stats: Zero future in the bigs
Two rookies, one Matchup:

Round 1: Funnier last name (Winner: Tie; both are pretty funny)
Round 2: Pine tree in background (Winner: Purvis)
Round 3: Thick, luxurious eyebrows (Winner: Purvis)
Round 4: Eventually won more than three games in a season (Winner: Purvis)
Round 5: Bewildered expression on face (Winner: Stumm)
Round 6: Bigger bro (Winner: Purvis)
Round 7: Baby-soft skin (Winner: Purvis)
Round 8: Cooler White Sox uniform (Winner: Stumm)

Final score: Purvis 5, Stumm 2 (Ties: 1)

Synopsis: There's a reason Rob Purvis gets top billing on this card, and it's not because his last name sounds vaguely like "pervert." No, Purvis is leaps and bounds ahead of Jason Stumm, both in terms of pitching talent and eyebrow density.
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