Name: Frank Viola
Team: New York Mets
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Three fibers from a towel
Key 1990 stat: 365 extra-long showers
Frank Viola's dating profile, circa 1991:
Screen name: curly69
Age: A child at heart
Height: Fit in a shower stall
Weight: 92 kilos
Hair color: Mets' orange
Hairstyle: Never-ending curls
Ethnicity: Italian lover
Religious views: Towelism
Want children: Yes, 17 of them
Marital status: Single and ready to mingle
Best feature? Too many to name
Smoke? Often
Drink? Usually
Seeking: A woman to share a shower with
Location: In the bathtub
His/her body type: Wet
His/her ethnicity: Mustachioed
About me: Hey, ladies. It's me, Frankie V, the insatiable left-hander with a taste for showers. As you can see, I'm usually soaking wet and toweling off. It takes a long time to shampoo all these curls, and even longer to soap up this 'stache, and I need a pretty partner to help get me through those long, steamy times under the big stream. Want a little Viola in your life? Voila!
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