Skip Schumaker, 2012 Topps

Names: Skip Schumaker, Rally Squirrel
Teams: St. Louis Cardinals, American gray squirrels
Positions: Second base and outfield, running across home plate
Value of card: Rabies! Rabies!
Key 2011 stat: Teamed up to torque off Roy Oswalt, Charlie Manuel and pretty much all of Philadelphia
It's an interspecies Matchup:

Round 1: Focus of photograph (Winner: Squirrel)
Round 2: World Series champion (Winner: Schumaker)
Round 3: Cuteness (Winner: Squirrel, though it's close)
Round 4: Cuteness of name (Schumaker, and it's not close)
Round 5: Clear view of subject's face (Winner: Tied at zero)
Round 6: Better chance of having rabies (Winner: Squirrel)
Round 7: Better chance of having rabies, according to Schumaker's ex-girlfriend (Winner: Schumaker)
Round 8: Who's the cuddliest-wuddliest wittle squirrel ever? (Winner: Squirrel)

Final score: Squirrel 4, Schumaker 3 (Ties: 1)

Synopsis: Just as in the card, Skip again gets squeezed out by the Rally Squirrel. Of course, at the end of the 2011 season, Schumaker had won a World Series and the Rally Squirrel had been captured and released into the wild, so Skip can't have that much to complain about.

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