Keith Atherton, 1989 Fleer

Name: Keith Atherton
Team: Minnesota Twins
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Nothing; not even a bad joke or a tired pun; just nothing
Key 1988 stat: No chance this guy ever stepped on a field
This can't be correct: Nope, we don't believe it. We here at The Bust might have spent our formative years embarrassing our fathers with our field-of-play performances, but we don't think this guy is a real athlete. We don't usually make fun of people's appearances (cough, cough) but c'mon, look at this guy. Can't you hear his mother, just off camera, telling young Keith to lift his hat off his eyes so the nice photographer can take his picture? How did this guy pick out his glasses? "Um, excuse me, sir. Does your store (snort) happen to have any really thick lenses with clear frames? I (snort) need them to match my pocket protector." The only thing we can see this guy pitching is a tent outside an Atari store the night before "Centipede" was released. This guy's squinting and sickly skin tone are proof he hasn't seen the sun in months. Heck, even his shadow looks like it could have programmed your VCR. And that mustache, oh man. That thing is anything but big league; it has nearly as many holes as his mesh jersey. Bottom line: We're pretty sure the only time this guy has played with the twins was when he roomed with the Lewandowski brothers at band camp in 1984.

Card submitted by Fat Shawn Kemp

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