Carney Lansford, 1984 Topps

Name: Carney Lansford
Team: Oakland A's
Position: Third base
Value of card: Six wings, ripped off dead flies
Key 1983 stat: 1,275 hours hunched over
What does Carney Lansford stand for?

Car is a Ford, says Carney Lansford
Adjective used as a noun for team's name
Rally lamb chops were an A's specialty
Night games at the Coliseum feature only a few stabbings
Ever look in the mirror and feel embarrassed by your facial hair? Carney hasn't
Yellow socks accentuate Lansford's curvaceous calves

Lenses are as thick as his mustache
A's 1983 uniforms resembled those of a beer league softball team
Never has anyone named "Carney" risen to such heights
Stirrups go all the way to his waist
Face stuck in a ½-inch-by-½-inch box
Oakland is a great place to play — to play dice in the alley
Rim of Lansford's hat is straight enough for a 2000s hipster
Decision to include a bright-blue box: mind-numbing


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