12.15.2011

Carlos Garcia, 1991 Fleer Ultra


Name: Carlos Garcia
Team: Pittsburgh Pirates
Position: Infielder
Value of card: Spare parts
Key 1990 stat: 1,822,091 grunts
Monster masher: Coming off a division title, the Pittsburgh Pirates were flush with talent, but low on cash to sign new players. Rather than taking a gamble on youngsters or signing guys off the scrap heap, the team turned to a mad scientist to replenish their farm system. The scientist wasn't averse to a little grave robbing, and soon had stolen Ty Cobb's legs, Lou Gehrig's arms, Babe Ruth's breadbasket, and the head of a farmer named Carlos Garcia. With a few stitches and a little electricity, the Pirates soon had a new infielder — who had slightly better range than Miguel Tejada did this past season. Garcia hit .260, but could only communicate through long, loud grunts and carried an awful stench about him. Garcia was banned from baseball after ripping the arms off an umpire in 1994.
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