11.08.2011

Terry Bross, 1992 Upper Deck


Name: Terry Bross
Team: New York Mets
Positions: Pitcher, turtle groomer
Value of card: 3 ounces of Turtle Wax
Key 1991 stat: 9-inch turtleneck
A salute to the turtleneck king: Wow. Take a few moments and breathe in the beauty of the turtleneck before you. You're witnessing greatness, from the clavicle to the chin, a few yards of rolled-over cotton and polyester covered by a 2-pound "Mets" logo. Despite the size, it appears Bross didn't think enough attention would be paid to his turtleneck, so he wore a jacket made from the aluminum siding of a Blue Angels jet and polished it to a blinding sheen. Bross showed that kind of dedication during his brief career, too. He was a two-sport star at St. John's University, where he played basketball and undoubtedly could have made our White Ballers Week. After a few years in the big leagues, Bross moved on to Japan, where he played on a team called the Swallows. (Insert your own joke here.) Now, he's an agent with Gaylord (ahem) Sports Management, and represents a handful (ahem) of major leaguers. Though he has had many stops that add to his legend, Bross will likely go down in history as the man whose turtleneck was so magnificent, everyone called it the "Tortoiseneck."
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