Mike Schmidt, 1982 Topps

Name: Chuck Norris Mike Schmidt
Team: Philadelphia Phillies
Positions: Third base, Tae Kwon Do champion
Value of card: "What'd you ask?" (roundhouse kick to the face)
Key 1981 stat: 17 knockouts (from roundhouse kicks to the face)
Clearing up some rumors about Chuck Norris Mike Schmidt:
  • Mike Schmidt doesn't shave around his mustache. The hairs are afraid to grow.
  • Mike Schmidt didn't sign his name on this card like a third-grader. He punched the ink into letters, and then punched a third-grader.
  • Mike Schmidt doesn't have girl bangs. He bangs girls.
  • Mike Schmidt doesn't cheat death. He beats it fair and square.
  • Mike Schmidt doesn't dress like Chuck Norris. He's on the Phillies, not the Texas Rangers.


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