11.13.2011

Glenn Braggs, 1992 Upper Deck


Names: Glenn Braggs and Kirt Manwaring
Teams: Cincinnati Reds and San Francisco Giants
Positions: Outfield and catcher, respectively; hunter and hunted, respectively
Value of card: Four used Band-Aids
Key 1991 stat: One catcher crash KO
It's time for a knockout edition of The Matchup:

Round 1: Momentum (Winner: Braggs)
Round 2: Magnitude of velocity (Winner: Braggs)
Round 3: Upper-body strength (Winner: Braggs)
Round 4: Position allowing for the exacting of painful damage (Winner: Braggs)
Round 5: Electromagnetic force + propulsion + bulge (Winner: Braggs)
Round 6: Fear-soaked scream of an 8-year-old girl (Winner: Manwaring)
Round 7: Trips to the emergency room (Winner: Manwaring)

Score: Braggs 5, Manwaring 2

Synopsis: Seldom do we see a Matchup with such an obvious loser. Manwaring is screaming in anticipation of being run over like a quadriplegic on the Talladega Superspeedway, foreshadowing the brutal pummeling that will give Glenn Braggs something to boast about.
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