11.30.2011

Dwight Gooden, 1992 Donruss


Name: Dwight Gooden
Team: New York Mets
Position: Ace
Value of card: The residue on a bag that an 8-ball came in
Key 1991 stat: Three teammates, one intervention
Conversation among Kevin Elster, from left, Tom Herr, Dwight Gooden and Dave Magadan, Aug. 15, 1991:
Gooden: "Guys, what are you all doing here on the mound before the first pitch?"
Magadan: "Dwight, we need to talk. This is an intervention. That's why no one is in the stadium but us."
Gooden: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. I don't have a problem. Sure, I like to party, but ..."
Herr: "Dwight, this is serious. You snort more than a pig with a deviated septum. You drink more than sailor, a sailor who fell overboard."
Elster: "Seriously, Dwight. We like going to the club with you, but last time you put a shotgun in my mouth and then ended up drinking gin out of the barrel later."
Herr: "And there's the time you tried to snort the baseline."
Gooden: "But, but ..."
Magadan: "And the time you dropped acid on your off day and were convinced that Strawberry was actually a strawberry."
Herr: "You smoked part of my mitt, man."
Magadan: "You mistakenly shot up Mr. Pibb."
Gooden: "Hey, that was a good high, man."
Elster: "It's time you got help, Dwight. No more bathtubs filled with pills or Winner's Cup Vodka showers."
Herr: "Especially in the locker room after a loss."
Gooden: "Guys, thank you for this. (crying) I just needed someone to lay it out straight, ya know? These vices have such a powerful grip on me. Now, let's get me to a doctor."
Magadan: "That's great, Dwight. You're handling this so well."
Herr: "Yeah, that's great, Dwight. We'll get you to the doctor."
Gooden: "OK, good. His name is Dr. K. His office is down the street. Just drop me off in the dark alley near the martini neon sign. Let's get there, stat. Right after the next hit." (Gooden runs)
Magadan: "I don't think he means a base hit."
Elster: "Freebase hit, Dave. Freebase hit."


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