11.15.2011

Barry Jones, 1989 Fleer


Name: Barry Jones
Team: Chicago White Sox
Positions: Pitcher, scoundrel
Value of card: Two shots of Winner's Cup Vodka (charcoal filtered, of course)
Key 1988 stat: 22 shots of Winner's Cup Vodka (charcoal filtered and puked up, of course)
Clean it up, Barry (face palm): Barry Jones, you and Fleer should be ashamed of yourselves. You look like you just woke up and rolled off a dead hooker. And by "hooker," we mean "fisherman." If this card were scratch-and-sniff, it would be 80 proof. You're wearing a mesh jersey that would be laughed off a beer league field, but it's covering a gut that only belongs on that field. Nice black-tar smack scar on your arm. What flytrap motel on the South Side played host to that night? And the mustache. C'mon. If you're going to do handlebars, go all the way and grow a pair. That uneven mess above your lip looks like it crawled there after the Port-O-Potty tipped over. But, hey, shaving your sweaty chest hair into a heart was a nice touch. In closing, run a comb through that filthy mullet, ya jerk.

Card submitted by Fat Shawn Kemp
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1 comment:

  1. This guy really looks like he comes from money! $$$$

    ReplyDelete