10.28.2011

Ken Harvey, 1994 Coca-Cola Monsters of the Gridiron (Halloween Week 2011 No. 5)


Name: Ken "Jackhammer" Harvey
Team: Washington Shredskins
Positions: Linebacker, construction worker
Fright value of card: Seven minutes of jackin' (uh, what?)
Key 1993 splat: Zero Halloween party invitations
Clearing up some rumors about Ken Harvey's costume: 

  • Harvey didn't wear a costume dripping with sexual innuendo. He literally and figuratively beat you over the head with it.
  • Harvey didn't carry around a giant tool at all times. He was a giant tool at all times.
  • Harvey, the construction laborer, didn't work on the streets of D.C. His sister did.
  • Harvey didn't thrust the tip of his massive tool into things. He was busy riding a weird-looking pogo stick.
  • Harvey's choice to wear the costume wasn't a bright idea. That was a glowing penis, not a light bulb, atop his helmet.

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