10.27.2011

Eric Swann, 1994 Coca-Cola Monsters of the Gridiron (Halloween Week 2011 No. 4)


Name: Eric "The Red" Swann
Team: Arizona Bloody Cardinals
Position: Defensive tackle
Fright value of card: That bird crap on your windshield
Key 1993 splat: Zero women "knighted"
10 insults hurled at Swann after this card came out:
10) "Your mama likes to get goosed, too!"
9) "Yo, man. That bird is having its period down your neck!"
8) "That coat of arms is Member's Only!"
7) "In an outfit like that, not even your eggs get laid!"
6) "You're not even the real Eric the Red!"
5) "Oh lord, you should have the bird tweet how stupid you look!"
4)  "Red Swann? More like lame black Swann!"
3) "That chainmail beard should be returned to sender!"
2) "A chump of feathers flocks by himself!"
1) "I deem thee, valiant knight, Sir Douche of Bag!"
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