9.02.2011

Shane Conlan, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Football Friday No. 93)


Name: Shane Conlan
Team: Buffalo Bills
Position: Linebacker
Value of card: Six mutilated zebras
Key 1990 stat: Two X's and an L on all T-shirts
Transcript of Zubaz TV commercial, circa 1991: "Boom! Bam! Slam-a-jam! America, get ready to have your system shocked! (Conlan jumps on a stadium seat and continues to yell at the camera.) I'm Shane Conlan, and I'm here to tell you about the coolest, boldest, baddest and raddest pants in the history of the world! Check 'em out! It's Zubaz time! (Camera shot zooms in and out each time he says brand name.) Zubaz! ... Zubaz! ... Zubaz! Kids, you want to dress like the pros and cause seizures in epileptics? Get your hands on Zubaz! Parents, you want your kids to look totally tubular and get the opportunity to wear pajamas in public? Buy Zubaz! (Conlan runs his fingers through his bangs during a close-up.) These pants are flexible, flashy and, obviously, awesome-o-rama, so head to the mall and get a pair in your favorite team's blinding, eye-raping colors. Take it from me, the Buffalo Bills' most bodacious linebacker: You can't be a star without the stripes!"
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1 comment:

  1. "You can't be a star without the stripes!"

    Freaking classic!

    ReplyDelete