Johnny Bench, 1975 Topps

Name: Johnny Bench
Team: Cincinnati Reds
Position: Catcher
Value of card: Four albums on 8-track
Key 1974 stat: Four albums on 8-track, popped one by one in the ruby-red 1975 Buick Century
Here's what Johnny Bench stood for in 1975:

Just a dude in a squat with his right fist clenched, ready to fight
Over his ears, the mullet tumbles
Handwriting of a serial killer
Never stands; always squats
NL All-Star, just a bit off-center
Yellow tongues on his shoes? Yeah, he's not ashamed

Big Red Machine, small blue pill
Even his biggest fans thought this card sucked
Not hard to tell what he throws down in Paper, Rock, Scissors
Catcher, except in the bedroom
Hall of Fame (for sideburns)


  1. Nice word play, although I like the card.

  2. He's playing catcher wearing a pair of Stacy Adams alligator loafers? Fucking Awesome!

  3. Back when men were men...no mask, no gear, no cup, just throw the damn ball!!