9.29.2011

Frank Thomas, 1992, um, Power Surge?


Name: Frank Thomas
Team: Chicago White Sox
Positions: First base, designated hitter
Value of card: 2 ounces of burnt hair
Key 1991 stat: One lightning strike
Transcript from Chicagoland TV commercial for Power Surge® energy drink, circa 1991: "You ever feel so tired you want to curl up on the field of life? Well I have. I'm Frank Thomas, all-star first baseman for the Chicago White Sox. I'm here to tell you about Power Surge® (lightning strikes behind Thomas), the state-of-the-art, first-of-its-kind, game-changing, life-changing, world-changing energy drink that electrifies (lightning strikes behind Thomas) your on-field performance with a dose of liquid lightning (lightning strikes behind Thomas). Oh, yeah! When you're dragging and need a jolt, grab a Power Surge® (lightning strikes behind Thomas). When you're down in the dumps and need to energize your life, grab a Power Surge® (lightning strikes behind Thomas). When you're bored and need to shock the world, grab a Power Surge® (lightning strikes behind Thomas). I'm Frank Thomas, and I'm here to tell you to electrify your performance with a Power Surge® (lightning strikes Thomas on the left forearm, above, and he writhes in pain). Ahhhh! Ahhhh! It burns! It burns! Make it stop! Help! Help! Ahhhh! No more Power Surge®!"
Share/Save/Bookmark

No comments:

Post a Comment