9.06.2011

Eric Martin, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Another Pro Line Week No. 2)


Name: Eric Martin
Team: New Orleans Saints
Position: Wide receiver
Value of card: A rusted punching bag
Key 1991 stat: Zero times mowing the lawn
Inappropriate: It's time for the game craze that's sweeping America — "Football Player or Male Stripper?"

Exhibit A: Not wearing a shirt (3 points for stripper)
Exhibit B: Holding a football (3 points for football player)
Exhibit C: Apparently lives in a shed with a weed-littered backyard (1 point for stripper)
Exhibit D: Wrapping arms and legs around pole (5 points for stripper)
Exhibit E: Some sort of punching bag in background (1 point for football player)
Exhibit F: Wearing football pants (4 points for football player)
Exhibit G: Uncertain, possibly scared look on face (2 points for stripper)
Exhibit H: Wearing a garbage bag around waist (0 points for either side — it's just ridiculous)

Final score: Stripper 11, football player 8

Verdict: Eric Martin is a stripper. But even if he is a football player, you'd think he could spare the money to hire a landscaper and clean up that yard. I'm sure his neighbors would appreciate it. Geez.
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