7.19.2011

Rickey Henderson and Jose Canseco, 1992 Upper Deck Diamond Skills checklist


Names: Rickey Henderson, Jose Canseco
Team: Oakland A's
Positions: Outfield
Value of card: Two bullet casings from the streets of Oakland
Key 1991 stat: Two of the biggest prima donnas in baseball history
It's time for an East Bay Area version of The Matchup:

Round 1: Ego large enough for a moon to orbit (Winner: Tie)
Round 2: Shiny and sharp flat top (Winner: Henderson)
Round 3: Cascading and coiffed mullet (Winner: Canseco)
Round 4: Circulation-restricting pants (Winner: Tie)
Round 5: Semi-effeminate neon green batting glove (Winner: Henderson)
Round 6: Vein-plumping wristbands (Winner: Canseco)
Round 7: Eye-raping yellow socks (Winner: Tie)
Round 8: Bulge-tastic-ness (Winner: Tie)
Round 9: Embarrassing Score Dream Team photo (Winner: Canseco; sorry, Rickey)

Score: Canseco 3, Henderson 2, Ties 4

Synopsis: Wow. The Matchup has never seen a competition featuring such Bust legends. On one side was Rickey Be Rickey, the all-time stolen base leader and the man who proclaimed, "I am the greatest of all time." On the other side was Jose Canseco, the first 40-40 man and perhaps the biggest baseball scumbag of the past quarter-century. The two traded victories, but, in the end, in the battle of shirtless A's, Canseco wins with an A-plus.
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1 comment:

  1. Ugh, why'd you have to link to those hideous score dream team cards?? That was nasty. You ruined my morning coffee!

    ReplyDelete