Name: Nick Lowery
Team: Kansas City Chiefs
Positions: Kicker, sock model
Value of card: Anything more than 2 cents would be a stretch
Key 1990 stat: 14 people blinded by pasty-white thighs
Transcript of Hanes tube socks commercial, circa 1990: "Hello, sports fans. Nick Lowery here, and I know you're going to get a kick out of Hanes' new tube socks. (Cut from stand-up shot of Lowery to him kicking a package of tube socks between uprights.) The good people at Hanes are experts when it comes to comforting your tootsies. Trust me. I depend on my feet for everything, from walking to the neighborhood leg shaver to creeping out my teammates with my stretches to putting the old pigskin between two phallic-looking pieces of steel. (Cut to shot of Lowery walking on the field in skin-tight short-shorts and knee-high socks.) I know what it takes to keep feet happy, and Hanes is certainly staying on its toes, so to speak, with its latest tube socks. Take it from me, a guy who has his kicks for a living: If you don't have Hanes tube socks on your feet, you've probably resorted to stuffing Hanes tube socks down your pants."