Tony Phillips, 1992 Topps Team USA

Name: Tony Phillips
Team: USA! USA! USA!
Positions: Pitcher, patriot
Value of card: Freedom ain't free; this card is
Key 1991 stat: 50 stars on flag, zero stars on this card
Opposing team's scouting report on pitcher Tony Phillips: "This kid loves his country almost as much as he loves posing for worthless baseball cards. ... Wow! He's a master of disguise. ... Once threw a ball at a Commie. An 88-year-old Commie, but a Commie nonetheless. ... We'll need to cover up those childish rosy-red cheeks with a lot of eye black. ... Smart kid. Reps the card company on his sleeve during a photo shoot for the card company. ... Sleeps in the nude with only a star-spangled banner. ... Told a scout he's so American, he keeps a Washington Monument in his pants. ... Lathers himself in apple pie whenever he's alone. ... Will bean any opposing player who supports the metric system."

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