Kevin Belcher, 1991 Studio (Studio Saturday No. 16)

Name: Kevin Belcher
Team: Texas Rangers
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Everything's bigger in Texas, except for this card's value
Key 1990 stat: Seven hairs in mustache
Belcher's thoughts, in rhythm with the piss-poor music in his head, from 9:14 to 9:16 a.m. April 6, 1991: "No, I won't pose with a bat. No, I won't pose with a glove. No, I won't pretend I'm playing the game I love. I'm in the studio, baby. Just where I belong, giving it to my fans with a seven-hair mustache and a Texas Rangers thong. I rock hot bling like this gum-ball machine necklace, but don't mess, 'cause I got a Franklin batting glove knuckle sandwich to express my progress. I'm soon to be a household name, with more game, I claim, than both the Parker Brothers and all that Monopoly fame. What's that, Tex? You like these specs? You best recognize that clowning these eyes is unwise unless you got mad hoes and will never oppose my high school senior portrait pose. Hand on chin? Yeah, I'll do it again. Word to your mother. Now, take the picture, my Studio brother."

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