5.16.2011

Chan Ho Park, 1994 Fleer Ultra All-Rookie Team

Name: Chan Ho Park
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: One of the paddles from "Pong," in reality (which means: nothing)
Key 1983 stat: $33 million domestic box-office haul for "Tron"
Dodgers' scouting report on All-Rookie Team selection Chan Ho Park: "Chan. Ho. Park. Chan. Ho. Park. His name alone is worth putting him on the roster. ... He can't suck nearly as bad as Jeff Bridges in "Tron." ... This guy has the tools to be a great pitcher, but we're a little worried about his video-game playing. ... He's from South Korea. The nuclear fallout behind him is from North Korea. ... Looks good on tape, but we're worried about how he would pitch outside campy 3-D. ... Strong high-arching bulge. ... Has a good arm, and, check it out, nuclear arms. ... On one hand, his last name is 'Park,' like ballpark. On the other hand, there's his middle name. ... We can expect him to follow the program, as long as the program doesn't kidnap him, insert him inside a video game, and force him to compete in gladiatorial games where his only chance of escape is with the help of a security program."

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