Paul Faries, 1991 Fleer

Name: Paul Faries (yes, really)
Team: San Diego Ponces, er, Padres
Position: Infielder
Value of card: Yes, his name is really Faries. Stop laughing.
Key 1990 stat: .189 batting average
Tragedy in the making: Poor Paul Faries never had a chance. Between his inability to hit the ball (career .201 batting average), the fact that he was cross-eyed and his unfortunate last name, you have to wonder if he wasn't the recipient of a pity promotion. How long do you think it took after he walked into the locker room and said, "Hi, I'm Paul Faries," before Ed Whitson and the San Diego Chicken had this little guy pantsed and duct-taped to the foul pole?

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