3.11.2011

Steve Lake, 1991 Studio (Studio Saturday No. 7)

Name: Steve "Bloody Mustache" Lake
Team: Not the Pirates, somehow
Positions: Catcher, sea captain
Value of card: Used bird-cage lining
Key 1990 stat: One wooden leg
Transcript from Steve Lake's client tape for Landlubbers 'n' Lasses niche dating service, Philadelphia chapter, circa 1990: "Ahoy, ye lasses, I be Steve Lake — or as me hearties call me, Bloody Mustache — and this be me matey, Scurvybeak. Yours truly has sailed the sea of life a solo captain lo these many years, but the time has come for this salty dog to find a first mate. When I'm not swashbucklin' on the briny deep, I play stickball for a bloodthirsty crew of landlubbers, yer Philadelphia Phillies. Yar! When it comes to wenches, I be a pretty easy cap'n to please. The only things I be seekin' in a lass are that she can handle her rum and that she ain't afeared to take the helm when we go below deck, if ye know what I mean! Yar, har, har, hee! Oh, an' a-course, that ye don't mind ol' Scurvybeak here watchin' us. He's a bit of a sneaky one, he is, but he means no harm. Avast, me time's up, so drop me a line. I look forward to hearin' from ye, whether ye be wantin' to sail a sea of love or just walk the plank for a night. Arrrrr!"
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