3.08.2011

Paul Mirabella, 1989 Upper Deck

Name: Paul Mirabella
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: A beer with a cigarette butt in it
Key 1988 stat: One shot of Old Grand-Dad for every strikeout — so, not too many shots
Paul Mirabella's train of thought from 11:21 to 11:23 a.m., Sept. 12, 1988: "Guh. Maybe those last six shots of warm gin weren't such a good idea last night. ... Skip better not ask me to pitch today — if I have to take off this jacket, everyone's gonna know I'm wearing the same jersey as yesterday. Of course, now there's a big puke stain on the front of it. And it's not even my own. ... God, I can smell the cherry-flavored vodka coming out of my pores. ... There's probably enough day-old Miller High Life left in my mustache to make it the Champagne of Facial Hair. ... All I want to do is go lay down in the locker room, but that stupid kid Sheffield's in there polishing his gold chains. ... Screw it, that's the last time I play 'I Never' with Yount."
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