4.18.2011

Pat Perry, 1990 Topps

Name: Pat Perry
Team: Chicago Cubs
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: 6 ounces of bear cub dung
Key 1989 stat: Two genders
You make the call: Cubs management was confused. His teammates were confused. His off-the-field friends were confused. Why the confusion? Was Pat a he? Was Pat a she? Well, it's Pat.

Evidence for him being a he:
  • Shirt-busting biceps.
  • Sweat-drenched mesh.
  • Manly chin.
  • Arms as hairy as an orangutan's taint.
Evidence for her being a she:
  • Features as soft as an angel's wings.
  • Skin-tight magenta undershirt.
  • Matching lipstick.
  • Well-moisturized skin.
Conclusion: With such an even distribution of evidence, it's hard to tell; it's curious to everyone; it's a mystery; it's Pat.

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