3.09.2011

Mike Bell, 1991 Upper Deck

Name: Mike Bell
Team: Atlanta Braves
Position: First base
Value of card: No talent
Key 1990 stat: A whole lot of time sitting on the bench
Actual conversation between Mike Bell and Upper Deck photographer, Sept. 7, 1990:
Photog: "OK, Mike, since we don't have any actual game shots of you, let's get a few quick shots of you holding a bat and looking intimidating."
Bell: "I've got a better idea! I'm going put on a bunch of shirts and do what I should be doing at this stadium."
Photog: "Sitting in the dugout and picking your nose?"
Bell: "No, silly, playing first base with a huge grin on my face! People will think you took it during an actual game."
Photog: "Um, Mike, there's nobody in the stands. It's 10 in the morning."
Bell: "Oh, come on! It'll be fun. We'll just pretend like Chipper Jones is throwing me the ball for the final out of the World Series. 'And the crowd goes wild!' (makes noise like crowd roaring)"
Photog: "Mike, I asked Chipper earlier if he knew where you were. I'm pretty sure he thought you were the ball boy."
Bell: "Oh, fine! I hate you! I can play baseball real good! (starts crying) You'll see. My mom told me so. (sobs uncontrollably)"
Photog: "Oh, jeez. OK, OK, let's do this if it'll get you to stop crying already. God, this is worse than the time Tim McIntosh puked on home plate."
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