Charlie Kerfeld, 1988 Topps

Name: Charlie Kerfeld
Team: Houston Astros
Position: Reliever
Value of card: Two noogies
Key 1987 stat: Kept jacket zipped at all times to hide man boobs
Nerd alert: Poor old Charlie Kerfeld never really fit in. He was a pitcher, but his fastball was so slow it looked like it was moving backward. No one ever told him you were supposed to spit out the chew. He grew a mullet like the rest of the 1980s ballplayers, but it really just looked like a dead ferret. He heard earrings were gaining popularity, but he only had enough money to put a lead fishing weight in his piercing. He wore a jacket to cover up his girth, but never learned how to pop his collar. So, for all us other misfits and outcasts, we say to you, Charlie Kerfeld: Nice glasses, loser!

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