Heathcliff Slocumb, 1998 Fleer Ultra

Name: Heathcliff Slocumb
Team: Seattle Mariners
Position: Closer
Value of card: Great vengeance
Key 1997 stat: Furious anger
Anger management: Some men have a short fuse. Heathcliff Slocumb made those men look like Gandhi. So how irate was he?
  • He once punched a pizza delivery guy for giving him too much change.
  • He snarled more than Cujo.
  • He had to buy new dentures every six months because he constantly ground his teeth together.
  • He charged the mound — during batting practice.
  • He pounded the strike zone.
  • One time, he even put Robin Ventura in a headlock. No, wait, that was somebody else.


1 comment:

  1. If your momma named you after a cartoon cat even less popular and less funny than the much-hated Garfield, that easily would fuel an eternity of enmity.

    And madness.