Eric Rasmussen, 1981 Topps

Name: Eric Rasmussen
Team: San Diego Padres
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Abject loneliness
Key 1980 stat: Four dates
Transcript from Eric Rasmussen's client tape for Beards & Beauties Video Dating Service, circa 1981: "Hi ladies. (Looks offstage) You're only showing this to women, right? OK, good. (Back to camera) My name's Eric and I'm a professional baseball player, no matter what those knuckleheads on the sports radio shows say. (Laughs to self) But enough about that. From what the folks here have told me, if you're watching this, you're into face fur. So, let me tell you a little bit about my beard. Its name is Cody and it's 3 years old. I'm told it smells lightly of cornbread and Hai Karate, though I'm so used to it, I can't really tell any more. They're not here right now, but during the fall, a small family of sparrows nests in it for a couple of weeks before moving on as part of their migratory route. During this time, I'm largely unable to comb or clean Cody, so he can get a little messy. Still, I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope you wouldn't either. Call me, and let's start a little love nest of our own."

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