1.27.2011

Derrick Thomas, Neil Smith, 1993 Skybox (Football Friday No. 69)

Names: Derrick Thomas, Neil Smith
Team: Kansas City Chiefs
Positions: Linebacker, defensive end, respectively
Value of card: One broken taillight
Key 1993 stat: About a million sacks, combined
It's a Matchup between two sackmasters:

Round 1: Standing in traffic (Winner: Tie)
Round 2: Head roundness (Winner: Smith)
Round 3: Not getting in the way of genius "RUSH HOUR" lettering (Winner: Thomas)
Round 4: Pants hitched up to armpits (Winner: Smith)
Round 5: Prominence of lace-up crotch (Winner: Smith)
Round 6: Badassery (Winner: Thomas)
Round 7: Respect for that terrible Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan movie (Winner: Neither)
Round 8: Bulge (Winner: Thomas)
Round 9: Love of ketchup (Winner: Smith)

Final score: Smith 4, Thomas 3 (Ties: 2)

Synopsis: Derrick Thomas may have had the more memorable career, but it's Neil Smith who's the big Chief today. It's a good thing he had his crotch laced up so tightly. More importantly, "Rush Hour" sucked.
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