12.13.2010

Corey Lee and Robert Stratton, 1997 Topps Draft Picks

Names: Corey Lee, Robert Stratton
Teams: Texas Rangers, New York Mets
Positions: Pitcher, Outfield
Value of card: 3 inches of dyed, dried snake skin (see card border)
Key 1996 stat: Two unfulfilled big-league dreams
It's time for a mid-1990s Matchup:

Round 1: Ability to bend hat brim like a normal human being (Winner: Lee)
Round 2: Hat within three sizes of fitting correctly (Winner: Stratton)
Round 3: Arm hair, in pounds (Winner: Lee)
Round 4: Batting accessories, in pounds (Winner: Stratton)
Round 5: Face fit for a circus clown (Winner: Lee)
Round 6: Face fit for a police lineup (Winner: Stratton)
Round 7: Ability to grow eyebrows (Winner: Lee)
Round 8: Propensity for a phallic pose (Winner: Stratton)
Round 9: Tacky uniform number necklace (Winner: Stratton)

Score: Stratton 5, Lee 4, Ties 0

Synopsis: In a back-and-forth Matchup of two ragtag never-weres, Stratton's embarrassing jewelry choice earns him what has to be the biggest honor of his baseball career.

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