12.20.2010

Bob McGill, 1992 Upper Deck (Alternative Sports Week No. 2)

Name: Bob McGill
Team: San Jose Sharks
Position: Defense (except with the ladies)
Value of card: One tourist trap store's shark tooth necklace
Key 1991 stat: 12 fake teeth

Bob McGill's dating profile, circa 1991:

Screen name: sharkbob187
Age: You'll have to ask ;)
Height: Two hockey sticks
Weight: 195 pounds of man
Hair color: Mullet
Hair Style: Shark fin
Ethnicity: Canadian, eh!
Want children?: My pucks are my kids
Past relationships: I've had sex with dozens of women in bar bathrooms.
Best feature: Pearly white smile, which I can take out and show you
Smoke?: Opponents
Drink?: Every morning; usually Molson; before haircuts

Seeking: Women, lots of them
Location: Within 3,000 miles of the Shark Tank
Her height: ALL
Her body type: ALL
Her ethnicity: Groupie

About me: Hello, ladies. Shark Bob here. I like to score, and not just on the ice. But you and me and a couple of Molsons could melt some ice, baby. I like to have fun and party. I once drank 52 beers in one sitting and jumped off a two-story house. I landed on my teeth. Not a scratch. I take pride in my appearance, which is obvious if you've seen my profile pic. I get my hair cut once a week by a marine biologist in the shape of a shark fin. I did this for three years before getting traded to the Sharks. I can imagine you and me, naked as two peaks in Saskatchewan, riding a Zamboni into the moonlight, drunk as hell. I'm the stick; you're the puck. Now let's (word deleted by dating service). C'mon and ride the shark fin, baby.

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