11.19.2010

Tripp Cromer, 1994 Topps Future Star

Name: Tripp Cromer, allegedly
Team: St. Louis Cardinals
Position: Middle infielder
Value of card: One brick cell phone
Key 1993 stat: One run
St. Louis Cardinals scouting report on "future star" Tripp Cromer: "Has some sort of weird reptile scales running down his back. We're checking into it. ... He's squinty. ... Claims he once ate a 32-pack of individually wrapped American cheese in one sitting. ... Swings the bat better than some people. Like the drummer from Def Leppard. Barely. ... Has an unsettling fascination with the boy band Menudo. ... Could be a future star. But only if he dies and comes back as a zombie with super strength and speed. ... Calls his mother by her given name, and that's just strange. ... We're still not sure what his name is, but apparently he has a genuine dislike for someone named Cromer. ... Keeps calling our manager, Joe Torre, 'grandpa.' Torre seems to get a kick out of it."
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