11.05.2010

Brian Barber, Marc Kroon, Marc Valdes, Don Wengert, 1996 Topps

Names: Brian Barber, Marc Kroon, Marc Valdes, Don Wengert
Teams: St. Louis Cardinals, San Diego Padres, Florida Marlins, Oakland A's
Positions: Pitchers, one and all
Value of card: Failure x 4
Key 1995 stat: An ounce of talent between them
"Prospects" is a loose term: This card is a Mt. Rushmore of suck. A four-way Matchup has never been done at the Bust, but these guys are begging to be mocked, round by round.

Round 1: Monobrow (Winner: Wengert, in a runaway)
Round 2: Major league ERA under 6 (Winner: Valdes)
Round 3: Inability to spell "Mark" (Winner: Tie, Kroon and Valdes)
Round 4: Resemblance to Steve Buscemi (Winner: Barber)
Round 5: Resemblance to Marsellus Wallace in "Pulp Fiction" (Winner: Kroon)
Round 6: Resemblance to a caveman (Winner: Wengert)
Round 7: Fantasy baseball ownership, all time (Winner: Nobody)
Round 8: Facial hair (Winner: Barber)
Round 9: Teal (Winner: Valdes)
Round 10: Photo taken at a college party (Winner: Barber)

Career win totals Score: Barber 3, Valdes 2.5, Wengert 2, Kroon 1.5

Synopsis: As usual, none of these four stands out. But since somebody has to win from this collage of crappiness, we'll go ahead and give it to the dude who doesn't look like he's constipated.
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