11.16.2010

Bobby Bonilla, 1994 Upper Deck

Name: Bobby Bonilla
Team: New York Mets
Position: Outfield
Value of card: One plastic Cracker Jack watch
Key 1993 stat: 2.3 million reflections
Script from Oakley Blades sunglasses commercial, circa 1994: "Yo, Bobby Bo here with Oakley, America's favorite shades. You know what I hate? I hate the sun, man. It's all bright and yellow, up in your business. That's why I grab a blade for this battle. Or Blades, that is. (Zoom to cartoon picture of Blades, being worked on by tiny construction workers.) Take it from a big leaguer who cares more about looking cool than playing well: There has never been a better combination of style and craftsmanship in the history of sunglasses. (Pan to Bonilla sitting in the locker room, holding a pair of Blades, in a towel.) These Blades go with your mullet, they go with your mustache, they go with your fine-lined flat top. (Zoom to Bonilla running hand over his flat top.) You can hold these up and use the reflection when you're shaving. You can blow coke off them in a crowded party. (Cut to shot of Bonilla smiling at camera and pushing Blades down his nose.) And most important, you can use these Blades as a shank in your battle against life's biggest opponent, the sun. "

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