10.23.2010

Terrell Wade, 1996 Fleer Ultra

Name: Terrell Wade
Team: Atlanta Braves
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: An old tube of canker sore medicine
Key 1996 stat: One sore throat
Terrell Wade's train of thought from 3:12 to 3:13 p.m., March 18, 1996: "This is great. All I have to do is put this bat in my mouth up to the black, and I can avoid all that rookie hazing crap the other guys have to deal with. Who wants to dress like Hooters girls or the Wizard of Oz? Plus, I won't have to carry Jeff Blauser's suitcase full of discount schnapps at all! This'll be just like when I was a kid, when I'd stick my fist in the peanut butter and then put the whole thing in my mouth. OK, here goes. Easy ... easy. Good, almost there — yeah, baby! I win! ... Oh God, it's stuck. Oh God. Oh God, it's stuck! I can't get it out! Help! Why are you all laughing?! Help!"
The moral of the story: Rookie hazing is awesome.
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