10.24.2010

John Henry Johnson, 1987 Topps

Name: John Henry Johnson. No, seriously.
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Position: Relief pitcher
Value of card: Four awesome points
Key 1986 stat: Best white afro ever
Clearing up some rumors about John Henry Johnson:
  • John Henry Johnson was not a porn star. That is a shame, because he had the name for it.
  • John Henry Johnson's hair was completely natural. It's his eyebrows that were fake.
  • John Henry Johnson was not a steel-drivin' man. But when he pitched, he was more of a line-drivin' man.
  • John Henry Johnson could, in fact, smile. It's just that, in this photo, his form-fitting shirt has cut off the blood flow to his face.
  • His name is John Johnson, he comes from Wisconsin, but he does not, in fact, work in a lumberyard there.

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