Mike LaCoss, 1989 Topps

Name: Mike LaCoss
Team: San Francisco Giants
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: 17 of the small circles left over after a mesh hat is made
Key 1988 stat: Two fingers, sucka
Clearing up some rumors about Mike LaCoss:
  • LaCoss didn't always grip a ball like that. Sometimes, he gripped an opponent's short-and-curlies.
  • LaCoss didn't only wear mesh. His underwear was made of your sister.
  • LaCoss wasn't sunburned. He was red with rage because a fan looked at him.
  • LaCoss wasn't showing off his fork ball. He was telling Will Clark what part of his mother's anatomy he most enjoyed.
  • LaCoss didn't leave his heart in San Francisco. He left other players' hearts there.


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