John Kruk, 1994 Donruss Diamond Kings (Atrocious Diamond Kings Week No. 4)

Name: John Kruk
Team: Philadelphia Phillies
Position: Outfield
Value of card: The residue of 50 cheese steaks
Key 1993 stat: One mullet to rule them all
What makes this Diamond King so atrocious? By 1994, Diamond King artists were starting to get a little high-tech. Here we see a rendering of John Kruk utilizing thermal imaging. After waddling from the dugout to the plate, most of Mr. Kruk is orange or red, showing the excessive heat on his skin, particularly where his boiler and man-boobs have chafed against his jersey. The only cool patches are on his forehead, under the shade of his brim; on his neck, under the shade of his mullet; and along his throat, which has been cooled by the four brewskis he just chugged between innings.

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